The Letter

Happy New Year, friends! I have a yearly tradition of writing myself a letter each year around this time to reflect on the year that has passed, and dream about the year to come. It's become something I truly look forward to, a time to pause and process all that God did in the prior year, a time to give Him the abundant praise that He deserves. And it's a time to embrace the beauty of a new year, the hope & anticipation that come with the unknown.

***

Dear Me, 

2015 began with so. much. expectation. Didn't it? From the get go, I somehow conjured up a plan that I was sure would unfold, and didn't give much thought to how I'd feel if it didn't happen precisely as I thought it would. Most plans in life I hold loosely, having learned from experience that things don't always go the way you think they will. And there's an undeniable beauty in that! But for some reason, the plans for 2015 felt so solid. Not from stubbornness, or from a stand point of forcing my hand. But perhaps from a blissful, naive, hopeful view that of course things would go the way I thought they would. 

Spoiler alert: they did not. 

2015 was a beautiful, wonderful, blessed year. But it was also a year full of learning to walk through unmet expectations, restlessness, and at times, disappointment. 

And for that very reason, I think it was one of the most monumental years of my life. Not because of the engagement, though that absolutely goes on the Amy Reed lifetime highlight reel. But because let's be real, life is full of unmet expectations. I see people around me dealing with them every day, from the last minute cancellation of lunch plans, the spilled cup of coffee, the scary health diagnosis, or one of the most heart wrenching, the realization that procreating isn't always as simple as you thought it was. 

In 2015, God taught me the immeasurably valuable lesson of how to walk through unmet expectations with contentment, a gracious heart, and hope. In 2015, He reminded me that His plan is always, always better. He showed me that dreams are beautiful, and it's okay to grieve them when they don't pan out. In 2015, I tangibly saw that God's dreams for me are bigger & better than my own. 

This past year, I fell more deeply in love with my future husband than I ever imagined possible. My gratitude for him & my family grew, and I come out of 2015 feeling insanely blessed for the people I get to call my people. 

I learned about the "word of the year" thing through the blogging community, and these past few years it's been amazing to see how accurate the word proves to be at the conclusion of the year. This year, I felt nudged to claim a rather strange word for 2015:

I felt as though I had been learning & learning, but now it was time to truly apply. To soak in the water as a sponge does. For what good would a sponge be if it never absorbed the water it was immersed in?

I hardly blogged this past calendar year, but when I did, there was a recurring theme of slowing down. During the months of slowness & waiting, it's almost as though there was nothing to do except ask God, "what are you teaching me right now? What do you have for me in this season?"

2015 was absolutely a year of not only learning, but applying lessons. I will forever be grateful for how God met me and molded me over & over again this past year.  

And now, hello 2016! Talking with PJ this past weekend, I realized how different this year feels from last. Perhaps it's lessons learned, or maybe it's just different place, different time. Whatever it is, I feel so much lighter going into 2016. I without a doubt know it's going to be a life altering, pivotal year, but there is so much less expectation. 

The slowness has followed me into this season, and I truly feel a stark contrast from the busyness that has marked prior years. I feel called to be present & purposeful. Even when life is busy with planning a wedding & preparing for married life, I feel myself choosing a life of intention over a life of busy. I pray that theme continues through 2016. 

I want to be intentional with my time, with my marriage (ah! I can say that now!), with my friendships, with my health coaching business, and with my mission of sharing Christ's love with others. I want to be a better listener, someone who shows up & is present and engaged. I want to seek God above all other things, and ask Him, "what do you want with my life?" 

I found my 2016 word through a hashtag on the screen while watching Demi Lovato perform at the New York NYE party. I read #Confident2016, and God and I had an uber spiritual moment (thanks, Demi!). 

The first book I read in 2015 was "So Long Insecurity," by Beth Moore. Reading that beautifully written thing was like a big ol' wake up call to how much of a grip insecurity had over me. I've seen progress since then, but I truly feel like there is so much more room to grow. 

I want to spend 2016 really asking God to show me what confidence looks like. Not just for myself, but because I believe confidence changes ev-ery-thing. It breeds healthier relationships, combats competition and comparison, and because I believe that true confidence can be found in confident faith. 

I want to know what that looks like. So 2016, let's pursue it. 

Considering it's going to start with getting married, I think this year is going to be a pretty darn good one. ;) Let's enjoy every minute, mmkay? 

XO, 

Me

***

Praying all good things over your 2016, friend. And if you happen to meet disappointment along the way, know that you are not alone. And know that our God is beyond trustworthy & faithful. <3

The Letter

Each year, I have a tradition of writing a letter. I write a letter that reflects on the prior year, and dreams about the year to come. It's become one of my favorite posts to write, along with the Year In Review posts. I guess sentimental things are my jam. 

***

Dear Me, 

This time last year, at 9AM on January 1st, I had already driven 3 hours back to Santa Barbara and was packing up my apartment. At some point during that morning, I distinctly heard a word spoken over 2014. I heard it, and I liked it. I wasn't 100% sure if I believed it yet, but I shook off my unbelief and proceeded walking in faith that my year would be marked with joy. That evening, after hours of moving and multiple dear friends who helped make that possible, I sat sipping a milk shake at my favorite local restaurant. I snapped a selfie, wrote a quick thankful thought, and hashtagged it #findingjoyin2014. 

Well girlfriend, that's exactly what happened. :)

Joy was indeed found in 2014, and it came abundantly. Moments with radiating joy are pasted all over the imaginary scrapbook of 2014: racing a herd of beautiful African children on the mountaintops of Kisoro, Uganda; walking by faith into a situation that I never could have crafted myself, and watching God consistently and faithfully reveal His presence over and over again; getting to stand up and teach the Word of God for the very first time, and feeling entirely consumed by passion I've never felt before; getting into seminary school, and watching as a dream of studying Scripture unfolded before my very eyes; and of course, the magical evening of May 31st, 2014, when the love of my life crossed my path in the dreamiest 24 hours of my entire life. 

Joy, all-encompassing joy. 

As I took time to reflect on the year, I realized that not only was it one marked by joy, but it was one marked by learning. When asked by my roommates what I learned in 2014, I was surprised by my response: "I learned how to let go, and go with the flow." I hadn't ever thought of it that way before, but it's true. 

Everything that happened in the last year was not by my planning. I didn't seek out the Africa trip. I didn't seek to change churches for a season, and never dreamed that I'd be given the opportunity to regularly speak and teach on Scripture. I didn't seek to return to my home church when the time came. I didn't expect to begin seminary school this year, and while I certainly hoped to fall in love, I never could have predicted or created the way that it happened. 

2014 was a year of walking closely with the Spirit. Following its promptings where ever I felt them, whether it was a sharp turn, a U-turn, or a 4 and a half hour drive to visit a man I met at a wedding. 2014 was a year of letting go of planning, and experiencing the joy of simply following. 

Oh Lord, please let me soak up that lesson for years to come. Perhaps that's why the joy was so evident, because what joy comes with releasing our own expectations in exchange for trust in His perfect plan. 

2015. One, how is it 2015 again? I feel like I was just ringing in 2007 as a high school senior. Time is just evaporating into thin air. Cray-zeeee. 

But okay, two: What do I see for 2015? My last two letters, I clearly felt drawn to Bible verses for the year. Philemon 1:6 was the verse for 2014, and 2 Peter 1:6-7 was for 2013. This year, I can't say that I have a clear verse yet. Though, I'll be hunting! But I can say that I've felt a word spoken over the year, and I hope it proves accurate standing on the other side. 

Last night, as I was texting a friend about accountability in regular Scripture study, I felt a word come to mind. 2014 was marked by learning. There were countless, almost daily, lessons that I felt through out the year. But if my 16 years of education have shown me anything, it's that learning is one thing, and applying is another.  

I want to apply what I'm learning to my life. I want to see fruit, real fruit. Whether it's evident heart change, or a shift in my routine and habits, I want to know that my heart is truly soaking up that which I'm learning. 

I hope to see my security more solidly found in Christ alone. I hope to see my heart take joy in serving above all other things. I hope to see a decrease in the number of moments where I choose myself over PJ. Man, a relationship can seriously expose the selfish parts of your heart, huh? (I mean, mine never does. Cough, cough, jaykay). 

I hope to see more responsible financial habits, and more cooking at home versus eating out. I hope to dive deeper into serving in women's ministry, and look forward to the Bible studies and retreats of the coming year. 

2014, you were so good to me. Thank you. 

2015, I'm excited to meet you. Let's see what you've got up your sleeve, shall we? 

XO

Me

The Letter

I have a yearly tradition of writing a letter to myself. A letter to recap the year before, and to dream about the year to come. 2014 letter, let's do this. 

***

Dear Me, 

It's been almost a half hour, and those are the only two words I've managed to keep. For some reason, it's really hard to capture 2013. From afar, it doesn't seem like a big year. Still living in Santa Barbara, still working the same job, and yes, still single. But when I really dig into it, when I think of who Amy Reed was on January 1, 2013, and who she is now, on January 2, 2014, the beauty of the year comes into view. I thought I found myself in 2012, and perhaps I did. But it was really only the beginning. 

In January, I can remember people sharing their words for 2013. I remember the blog posts, the Instagram pictures, and the Facebook statuses. I didn't pick a word, because I had never done that before. I wasn't sure how I could summarize and predict an entire year after such a game-changer {aka: 2012}. But a quarter of the way in, a word came to me. I just knew I had found my word, and sitting on the other side, I can affirm that I had. No word better describes 2013 than the one that came to me way back in March: surrender. 

It was, indeed, a year of surrender. I had tasted Jesus in 2012, and I could see that He was good. I could see the life He had for me, and I wanted it bad. I wanted the freedom; I wanted the holiness; I wanted the purity. Things I never thought were possible for little ol' me to attain. And the truth is, they're not. But for Him, those things aren't just a possibility; they're a reality. And with Him, I can find them too. If I surrender. 

So surrender I did. I surrendered my eating habits, my fitness habits, my career, my finances, my dating life, my whole life. It didn't happen over night, for I had a firm grip on many of those things. But little by little, my grip loosened. Because little by little, I started to trust Him enough to give them up. I started trusting Him enough to say "You know best, take this, and do what you want with it."There is so much beauty in surrender. From it, blooms freedom, joy and faith. 

I'm thankful for who 2013 made me to be. I'm thankful for the existing friendships that deepened, and the new friendships that formed. I'm thankful for the moments that made me laugh hard enough to be considered an ab work out. I'm thankful for the inside jokes, the coffee dates, and the hours spent watching Friday Night Lights. 

But you know what I'm also thankful for? The moments that brought me to my knees, with ugly tears and all. The moments that humbled me. The times when I was so very conscious of my desperate need for His grace. 

It was a good year. The great times, the hard times, it was all just a beautiful, beautiful year. I hope the surrendering never stops. 

And cue to: 2014. 

I've got big dreams for this one. That's something He's showing me right now, how to dream without fear of failure. Because really, who cares if we fail, right? He guarantees us a good ending either way. 

I'm dreaming about my church, and where God wants me in it. I'm dreaming about speaking, and sharing the words that He puts on my heart. I'm dreaming about this blog, and the encouragement I hope will be found here. And I'm dreaming about, well, what every single girl dreams about. 

I don't know what 2014 will have in store, but something in me knows it will be good. For starters, I'm going to Uganda. So you know, there's that. 

Last year, I shared a verse God put on my heart for 2013. Last night, I read a verse and just knew it was the one for 2014. 

This year, I hope to gain a better understanding of just how good He is. I hope to slow down, and really take the time to experience His goodness. And I hope I take His goodness, and respond with generosity. I hope I will be generous with my time, and generous with my money, and generous with my love. 

Dear 2014: Bring it on. 

XO

Me

 

The Letter

I mentioned my letter writing process when I wrote my 2012 letter a little late last year. 

For the record, I totally did it wrong. I should have been recapping 2011 and predicting what was to come in 2012, but oh well. 

To be honest, I think I was just too dang excited about 2012, and for good reason. 

It was, to date, the best year of my life. 

The year where I really found me. 

Probably because it was the year where I really fell in love with Jesus. 

So without further adieu, my 2012-2013 letter:

Dear Me, 

Wow. 

2012, you completely changed me. 

You were such a pivotal year, that I'm struggling to even find the words to describe you. You were a year of change, of growth, of love. 

I end the year with so many of my now closest friends being people that I didn't know at this time last year. Isn't that crazy? 2012 brought so many incredible and inspiring people into my life. (Including you blog friends!!)

I began the year with my arms outstretched towards the Lord, declaring to Him how desperate I was for Him. 

I had had plenty of conversations with the Lord before, but for whatever reason, He chose that moment to be the one. He picked that moment to be the one where He planted in me the desires and convictions to change my life. 

And change I did, a lot. 

But you know what else I did? 

I stumbled. I back tracked. I fell into old patterns, old habits. They say they die hard for a reason, right? 

And in those moments of disappointment and frustration, that is when I felt God's grace the most. Those were the moments when I felt His hand on my shoulder, so lovingly claiming me as His own, despite my rebellion. 

2012 was a year full of lunch dates, catching up over coffee, and taking walking breaks during the work day with coworkers who became my best friends. 

A year of living in a beautiful house with four amazing roommates where any holiday, no matter how small, was an opportunity to go all out in celebration.

It was a year of spending Tuesday evenings with some of my favorite ladies delving into God's word, and discussing how it applies to our lives. A year full of pot lucks with community groups, where I would watch a room full of strangers turn into a family. 

It was a year packed with weekend getaways to San Francisco, Boston, Sacramento, and more. A year full of early morning gym classes, runs to the beach during lunch, and bike rides to enjoy the lovely Santa Barbara weather. 

Thank you God, for blessing me with a year that was better than I ever could have imagined.  A year full of love. 

I could go on and on about how fantastic and wonderful 2012 was, but I do believe it's 2013 now, correct?

2013, I stumbled into you. I spent the first week of the new year giving myself a good hard look in the mirror, asking if this was really how I wanted to start the new year. 

And thank you God for giving me the push I needed to get back on track. Thank you for lovingly pulling me back into your arms, where I belong. 

I have high hopes for you 2013, as displayed by your Bucket List. I want you to be a year of growth. And a year of continuing forming amazing memories and friendships. 

To be honest, if I had a repeat of 2012, I would be ecstatic. But I know, I know, I need to always strive for more. 

I hope to develop better budgeting skills, to become a bit (or a lot) more diligent with how I spend my money. I hope to learn more about truly trusting the Lord with my life, I have found that to say it is one thing, to really trust Him is another. 

I hope to build a better network with you fellow bloggers. To become more open about my struggles, both past and present, to build real, lasting friendships. 

I hope to make this bible verse my verse for the year:

Knowing God leads to self-control. 

Self-control leads to patient endurance, 

and patient endurance leads to godliness.

Godliness leads to love for other Christians, 

and finally you will grow to have genuine love for everyone.

2 Peter 1:6-7

Self-control and patient endurance? Those are two things that I could really work on. 

Really, I just want this year to be another year filled with love. I want to love my family the best that I can, my friends the best that I can, and yes, you guys the best that I can. 

I want to be someone that others can turn to when going through a rough time. But you know what else? I want to be someone that they can turn to for fun, too. 

I hope to laugh more, and worry less.

2012, you were a year to remember. 

Time to make 2013 even better. 

XO

Me

A Letter

Freshman year of college, I started a "tradition" of writing myself a letter on New Year's Eve. The letter would summarize everything that happened in the year before, and predict/hope what would happen in the year to come. 

Fall of sophomore year, some things went down that I didn't exactly want to relive come that New Year's Eve. So, the tradition died. 

Short-lived tradition, right? 

Well, I shared that idea with Kacey back when I first came up with it, and she's since reminded me of it a few times. I told her this year, that I wish I had written myself a letter. It's been a really pivotal year for me so far, and I said that I wished I could look back come next New Year's Eve to remember how far I've come.  

Her response: why not write one now?

So, here it is. My letter to myself. 

Dear Me, 

I've officially made it to the real world, huh? Got my big full-time job, paying all my own bills, and really turning Santa Barbara into home. Today (March 28th) officially marks one year of full-time employment, and I would say it's been one good year. There's been some really amazing weekends. Heck, there's been some really amazing week-nights. One thing I've really learned is to make the most of what time is my time, and I hope to always continue to do that. 

This year didn't exactly start the way that I would have predicted it, did it? Just a month before New Year's, I was in what I thought was a happy relationship. Funny how things work out, right? But even if it takes time to see it, they always work out for the best. I didn't waste a single day of 2012 dwelling on that relationship, even though I found out some harsh news just hours into the New Year.  

I take that back, I gave one day of the New Year to grieve over the relationship. One day. I'm proud. 

It's been just three months of this year, and I can already tell that I will look back on 2012 as a big one. I'll always remember this as a year of learning, and a year of loving. I'm completely falling in love with Jesus and my faith, and learning to truly love the person I'm becoming along that journey. It feels damn good to finally learn to love yourself, doesn't it? 

I'm starting to develop actual hobbies, you know, besides drinking with my friends. Not to say I don't still enjoy that, because I do. But I'm also finding other things to do with my time, like hiking and biking. And getting to the gym. Staying active has become really important to me, and I hope that stays with me over time. If I can keep up with getting to the gym as often as I have been, I will officially stick with a New Year's Resolution for a change. 

Another New Year's Resolution I've kept up with is the "One Year" Bible reading challenge. It feels really great to keep up with these goals, and I hope come December 31st, I can officially say that I've read the entire Bible. 

I hope come January 1st, 2013, I continue reading the Word. Even though I will not have a reading plan to stick to. 

I'm also becoming borderline obsessed with cooking. I so enjoy looking through cook books, noting down recipes that I want to try. I can't wait to see how I grow as a cook this year, and maybe graduate from "quick and easy" recipes to some more challenging ones. 

I know this year is going to continue to be amazing, as there is already so much that is planned.   Four trips in the next two months, three of which include flights. Crazy! Traveling was another New Year's Resolution, and that's exactly what I'm doing. 

I hope by the end of this year, I will officially have my passport. Maybe 2013 will be the year that I finally venture out of the country. Fingers crossed!

I also hope that I continue to make the most of every day. Continue learning that it's impossible to please everyone, but the most important thing is to please my God. Continue learning to be proud of who I am, and to never stop striving to grow. 

2012, you're only a quarter of the way done, and I can already say with near certainty that you will be one of the best year's of my life. 

Xo, 

Amy